Not the Most Patient


My little brother, TJ, is a fourth grader currently having online-classes. He starts at 9 in the morning and ends at 3:30 PM, from Monday to Thursday. On Fridays, they have shortened period of class to give time for them to complete their activities that needs to submitted.


Before the pandemic, TJ used to have a tutor to help him after school but it is currently not possible to do so. I, being the “ate” has been tasked by my parents to supervise him, though not thoroughly because I have my own tasks to do as an online-post graduate intern. At the start, I used to follow him up everyday so as to not clump everything up on Thursday night so that our family driver can send his things to school early Friday. 


He’s a smart boy but TJ, being the little boy that he is has such short attention span and is very easily distracted which irritates me easily. So we end up arguing. And then our parents try to ease the tension. But, it pisses me off more.


Middle Child vs. Youngest


Being the middle child I look up to my older brothers and look after the younger ones. I somehow manage to grasp skills and lessons from my Kuyas and apply it to my little sister and brother. My parents need not to take care of me much. Not to brag, but I think I am the most independent one among my siblings.


TJ, on the other hand being the youngest has received pretty much a lot of attention. Our Kuyas spoil him, my younger sister looks after him and my parents definitely give him special attention. I actually spoil him too at times.


I know for a fact that my parents love me and I have grew up quite well. I could recall answering and studying by myself when I was TJ’s age. I’d do my projects by myself and would seldom need help. TJ is a different story. I’d guide him in reading and studying his lessons, I’d provide him answers to his assignments. And this is where we argue most of the time.


I don’t want to spoon-feed him and so I try to teach him. But I’d get irritated when he doesn’t get my point. I’d get irritated when he stalls. I’d get irritated when he commits mistakes. I’d get irritated when he gets irritated. So, I would end up just giving him the answers and spoon-feed him eventually.


Being Ate


At the back of mind I always have the thought – “why can’t you be like me?” I know it sounds so self-centered and egotistical. And the answer to that is because TJ is TJ and I am Rose, not TJ. 


Furthermore, I am his “ate” not his mom, not his dad. It is therefore not my responsibility to discipline him, I should leave that task to our parents who raised me to what I am now. I, on the other hand am supposed to be his model – someone he’d look up to, someone he could learn from, someone he can follow.


TJ is still a kid and he has so much room for learning and improvement. And I am the adult, I am supposed to understand him since I’ve been through childhood. But trying to understand him is not the easiest thing to do. And getting stressed is not one of my options with my condition.


I am nowhere near perfect in being TJ’s ate, nor am I perfect in being me but I believe prayers are effective not just for our needs and wants but for also for changing someone for the better. Everyday is a struggle and it has been part of my prayers to have an extended patience, not just with TJ but with everyone around me, especially with myself. 


🦋


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