Closing My 2020 Planner



As I close my 2020 planner, I had the chance to look back from how I got the planner to how I made use of it. I’m not the planner type of person because I’m not one who’d forget upcoming events or activities. My social anxiety makes me think of planned activities beforehand over and over again. But due to peer pressure and seeing how aesthetic the planner was, I went for it.


We started collecting the stickers late but somehow managed to collect enough before the end of the promo. We’d convince our fellow clerks and family members to get coffee or frappe just so we could have stickers. And I really appreciated that sort of “bayanihan” that transpired because those who don’t drink coffee would find ways to help us out by getting a different product that would qualify for a sticker. During that time also, I had extra bonding with my parents over coffee. We even had a double date with the boyfriend once.


But as I’ve been saying for the past posts, 2020 has been such a roller coaster ride. My January just had 4 entries: a grand rounds on the 6th, an endorsement with a certain consultant on the 7th, a clinicopathologic conference on the 22nd and a list of things I had to bring to Bohol. But despite how bare January looked like in my planner, January was actually very eventful. Contrast to August, the month our online internship started – August had a lot of entries. It has a lot of notes too. But I only went out of the house twice for that month and that was for my monthly laboratory work up and for a swab test. The highlight of that month was probably just my online presentation and online end-of-month OB exam.


2020 showed me once more that I’m not in control but God is. I entered 2020 not knowing I’d be diagnosed with SLE. And knowing my character, stubborn and very willful, I wouldn’t be taking the much needed break with the help of the pandemic. Had there been no halt to having physical duty I would probably push myself to go on duty despite my lupus being on flare.


I entered 2020 thinking my friends and I would be flying to South Korea and fly internationally for the first time. But I guess the Lord thinks we really are not prepared just yet. And maybe it’ll be more gratifying to go there next year once we achieve our 2021 goals together. (Licensed MD by 2021)


But it doesn’t hurt to prepare too. Because I’m not in control doesn’t mean I couldn’t do a thing at all. “Ask and it shall be given unto you” - I firmly stand by that verse. I know that the Lord is an omnipotent provider and if I fervently ask He would give in like a Father giving in to His daughter’s whims and if He finds it not befitting for His child He’d give something even better. And of course, I should work hard for it. If I don’t prepare myself, I might not have the confidence to grab on to the opportunity presented to me. 


In general, 2020 has taught me that acceptance is the key. Rather than positive thinking, I think acceptance is much more important. Acceptance that I’m not in control. Acceptance that when I’m not granted something it is not for me. Accepting the positive and negative emotions. Accepting that I needed and will be needing help. When acceptance steps in, we get to move on with life much easier.


🦋

 



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