Expanding My Circle




 

Back in Bohol, there were 8 of us sharing one room. Me, Arnita, Rabina, Den, Ralina, Lorie, Diane and Lochelle. First time we shared the room was quite awkward I guess but I actually don’t remember how we went about it – maybe because we were too busy that time. The second time we were in Bohol though, we knew each other better. We were in different groups - Me, Loch and Den, Arnita and Rabina, Diane and Ralina and Lorie by herself. We also did not share the same statuses. And when the lockdown dawned on us, we finally got the time to know each other better.

 

Prior to the lockdown, February last year, we managed to squeeze in 2 outings. One was to Sikatuna’s Mirror of the World and the other was to some beach in Panglao. If I remembered it right, it was a Sunday and I was on pre-duty status when we drove up to Sikatuna. And then we went to the beach it was a weekday but a holiday, I was from a 24 hours duty. If I remembered it correctly, I was the one who initiated both outings. Back when were still doing our hospital duties every rest counts but despite the tiredness I felt I still volunteered driving and invited my friends to go out.

 

We took lots of pictures, played around, ate whatever food we found and had tons of things we talked about. I was going through a tough patch in my relationship and I was trying to distract myself. To be honest, it was a long weekend supposedly and wanted to be spent with my boyfriend but we weren’t on good terms then.

 

I don’t know if they knew back then what my real intention was that time, but without them knowing they have really offered me good emotional support. I enjoyed their company and I was able to stop overthinking. And through those outings we were able to build our relationship even better.

 

I’ve always been the person who’d only need a few people to be friends with. I didn’t feel the need to be friends with the friends of my friend. I didn’t like having big crowds nor big group of friends. I’m actually quite the possessive type of friend, I didn’t like it much if my friend has another friend whom he/she seemed closer to. But ironically, I was also jealous of those girls who have lots of friends who’d openly support them like commenting on Facebook or Instagram how pretty their friend is, or those who’d openly cheer for their friends. But deep down I feared that those were just on the surface. Maybe a certain event back in high school triggered this fear in me - I’m not quite sure if it really was it. But I felt betrayed then and alone. I didn’t expect that friend would suddenly judge me that way. So I stick to having only a few people.

 

That time last year, it made me realize that there are actually a lot of wonderful people. I didn’t expect to be comforted by the people who comforted me then. I felt as though my tiny circle of friends have expanded and I felt truly blessed to have them – I felt truly blessed to be their friend. There maybe people who’d betray me but there are more people who’d love me.


🦋

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