Better Shoes

Few years ago, my date for a Christmas Party gifted  me with a pair high heels. Of course, I was delighted by the fact that the giver had thought of me. But unfortunately, he did not know I do not wear those that were more than 2-inches and definitely not those with cigarette heels. So sadly, I was not able to wear them to the party. To be precise, I never wore them out ever.

I’ve always walked in a weird way. When I was younger I walked on my toes, I was teased quite a lot because of that. In an attempt to correct that, I made a conscious effort not to walk on my toes but then developed a new and probably a weirder way of walking - my weight now is placed on the lateral or the outer side of my foot, close to being club footed. I don’t get teased anymore, or rather, I don’t mind how people would think about how I walk. Sad thing though is that I can’t wear high heels.

I love high heels. I don’t say it much, but I like looking at them. I find them pretty and women who walk confidently in them look really cool and gorgeous to me. High heels give a sense of being an empowered woman, let’s not deny it they are torture machines but despite the pain of wearing them women manage to carry on like she’s not suffering from them.

When I was gifted those pair of heels, I had this strong urge to learn how to wear them, to train myself so that I could wear them for at least one event. And so I did try to wear them. I tried to wear them at home, taking a few steps with it every now and then but I’ve always felt shaky and unstable wearing them. It never gave me the confidence boost I always thought that I would have.

Whenever I see a footwear that I like, I first look at it if I really like it and then I try to fit it, then I try to see if I’m comfortable with it and then eventually mentally debate if I really should buy it. When I get to buy it I still break into it causing some blisters and callouses as the footwear conform to my fit. But there are really those footwear that I never get comfortable with. And wearing them would actually give you more blisters, scars and bruises - worse, a twisted ankle. People, relationships and career I guess are the same. We think we like this person, this relationship, this job and then we try to get know each other, we try to make the relationship work, we try to learn the ropes in our career, and eventually we get to see the flaws here and there, there would be fights, there would be struggles but then we get comfortable, we ignore the thorns, we get over the struggle, and then we keep them, we keep the relationship, we keep the job. 

But then there are those that no matter how hard you try you’ll never find the comfort and confidence boost that you thought you’ll get. And yet you keep them - you keep them because of the memories, the sentimental value, the investment that you poured into it but it just weighs on you, it makes you think about it every now and then and haunt you like some deadline that has been put off. It would consume a space in your closet that you could have been for something better, something that needs better safe keeping, something that you actually use.

Eventually, I lost my eagerness to wear them and the box was tucked at the back of my closet. Weeks turned months, and months turned years, the high heels that I treasured was forgotten and ultimately become useless to me and so after much thought and endless prayers for strength and discernment, I’ve decided to let them go. I gave away the shoes that I treasured in the hopes that it would belong to someone who would actually use and need them. Though hard, it gave me peace of mind once I finally let them go. Now, I have space to find better shoes.

🦋🦋🦋