Redirection

It has been some time since I wrote an entry here. I do have a lot of things to talk about. But I don’t know where to start. Maybe about “redirection”?

In my last entry, I had just let go of a dream that I once had. But of course, life had to go on. I went back to moonlighting. I slowed down and took my sweet time getting back on my feet - figuratively and literally. Almost three years since my last entry, 3 years since I said “I cannot picture myself in Pediatrics” - lo and behold, I am now a second-year resident of Pediatrics

How did I get here?

It was one random afternoon, while I was driving home from one of the clinics where I work. I had this sudden epiphany - “Why not try pediatrics?” 

Was I ever scared?

Of course, I was. More often than not, I was scared. Scared of failure. Scared of committing mistakes. Scared of falling in love with this department only to flare up and be forced to say goodbye again. 

But still, I applied.  And I know God was working. Because if He wasn’t, I really have no explanation for how I managed to survive as the only resident for almost a year - presented and prepared presentations, worked for our department’s accreditation - and yet, I did not have a major flare-up warranting hospitalization.

People would say that you'll just know it if you find the right. And I think I know how that feels now.

When I joined Pedia, it seemed like the department was a tailored fit for me. I had consultants who looked out not just for my career growth but for my general well-being. Of course, there were times when I felt overwhelmed, and I felt the pressure crushing me into pieces. But I learned that venting and changing perspectives really do work magic. 

And of course, prayers.

Whenever I feel slumped, I cry out. And I would like to talk to God and to people about all the frustrations and worries I have. And then I dress up prettily and start counting my blessings. I soon realize I am truly blessed. 

I see another picture, my paradigm shifts, and my disposition brightens. 

I see a lady who is brilliant, resilient, and beautiful. 

I see a lady who is loved, supported, and cared for by family and friends.

Now that I am in my second year (and nearing third year), my responsibilities have become bigger and heavier. But my God is way bigger than all the problems that will come my way. 

Thankfully, I started having juniors towards the end of my first year of residency. I have become the premature "Ate" of my juniors, whom I have to teach and to guide. However, being their senior doesn't mean I am always more knowledgeable than they are. I also learn from them from time to time. The learning never really stops. 

Do I have regrets that I ever tried going for Surgery?

No

Being part of that family and living that dream was a beautiful memory. I do not think that it was a waste of time. But rather, it was part of God’s perfectly curated plan. It was His way of making me learn how to trust Him fully.

Truly, God’s plan is better than our own

Let go and let God