Musings of a Butterfly

  Back in Bohol, there were 8 of us sharing one room. Me, Arnita, Rabina, Den, Ralina, Lorie, Diane and Lochelle. First time we shared the room was quite awkward I guess but I actually don’t remember how we went about it – maybe because we were too busy that time. The second time we were in Bohol though, we knew each other better. We were in different groups - Me, Loch and Den, Arnita and  Rabina, Diane and Ralina and Lorie by herself. We also did not share the same statuses. And when the lockdown dawned on us, we finally got the time to know each other better.   Prior to the lockdown, February last year, we managed to squeeze in 2 outings. One was to Sikatuna’s Mirror of the World and the other was to some beach in Panglao. If I remembered it right, it was a Sunday and I was on pre-duty status when we drove up to Sikatuna. And then we went to the beach it was a weekday but a holiday, I was from a 24 hours duty. If I remembered it correctly, I was the one who initiated bo...

  As a post graduate intern, we are expected to have a certain set of skills that we should continuously hone as we become the best doctors that we can be. One of which is to be able to present our case and defend it well. But I honestly am weak in that aspect. During my rotation in Internal Medicine we are required to endorse a case individually. But a case presentation is different from a simple reporting. I have to put it mind that I’m actually dealing with a real patient and I have to diagnose and treat the patient correctly because his life is in my hands. Aside from that, I’m in a new environment. The hospital I’m interning in is not my home hospital. All residents are new to me. The consultants are new. And most especially, my groupmates are new to me. In short, this is not my comfort zone. I am set to present on the 17th of January and have witnessed 3 of my groupmates present the week prior. They were all bombarded with questions to test their knowledge and how prepared th...

As I close my 2020 planner, I had the chance to look back from how I got the planner to how I made use of it. I’m not the planner type of person because I’m not one who’d forget upcoming events or activities. My social anxiety makes me think of planned activities beforehand over and over again. But due to peer pressure and seeing how aesthetic the planner was, I went for it. We started collecting the stickers late but somehow managed to collect enough before the end of the promo. We’d convince our fellow clerks and family members to get coffee or frappe just so we could have stickers. And I really appreciated that sort of “bayanihan” that transpired because those who don’t drink coffee would find ways to help us out by getting a different product that would qualify for a sticker. During that time also, I had extra bonding with my parents over coffee. We even had a double date with the boyfriend once. But as I’ve been saying for the past posts, 2020 has been such a roller coaster ride. ...

  It was two months ago, while attending mass a voice suddenly told me “pag-lector” (be a lector). My mother, my sister and my sister-in-law are all serving as lectors and I have somehow managed to dodge all of my mother’s invitation to serve as a lector before. For some reasons the idea of being a lector never enamored me until that time in October. November 30, 2020 – was the installation of new lectors. It came at a convenient time for me. And it seemed like I was meant to actually be a lector this time around. And so I heed the call. With the pandemic, most senior lectors and young lectors can’t serve due to their 24-hours curfew so I immediately got a regular Thursday schedule at dawn which was perfect for the vampiric me. And I was given schedules for the Misa de Gallo which I looked forward to. But being a servant of God you’d really be faced with trials here and there. Aside from my stomach tumbling while I wait for my turn and the fear of committing mistakes while reading ...

Every once in awhile, a change of view is what we need. And like how I needed a change of scenery, these 4 people brought a breathe of fresh air and relief, and brought vibrant colors through clerkship and would probably be my lifeline throughout life. Aizah, a friend I’d relate to the color yellow. Yellow - beautiful and vibrant soul. She’s one the most easy going and enthusiastic persons I know who is very animated and bubbly. She’s also one of the kindest persons that I know that at times people take advantage of her which actually pisses me off. And despite her flaws you really just can’t help but be drawn to her. Her vibrance just radiates. Melzar is orange. Another warm and radiant soul. When I first Melzar, my attention was really caught by how confident and bright this person was. He is one of the people who silently has my back and is very loyal to his friends.  He’s the kind of person who knows how to have fun and at the same time can take full responsibility. I envy thes...

  December 8, 2017 started out like any other Feast Day of the Immaculate Conception. I woke up and attended the Holy Mass at dawn and was dropped off by our parents to school for it was a school day. I had just finished having breakfast at the school canteen with the boyfriend when I received a call from my parents that Lola Inday had passed away. Lilia Maluya Sumbi, better known as Lola Inday was my grandmother from my maternal side, the unmarried sister of my grandfather. She had 8 siblings and she would live with one sibling and move to another from time to time ever since Lola Pinyang, her mother and my great grandmother passed away. She also lived with us and I have fond memories of her. She was well put together. Her hair combed neatly and her clothes matching be it for a simple grocery shopping or for attending masses. I could recall back when I was in kindergarten, I wasn’t much of an early bird then, Lola and I would rush to school. And along with me, she’d get scolded by...

  The picture above was taken by a friend of mine six months ago, as we wait for our turn to board the cargo vessel that would bring us back to Cebu. I was 50 kilos then and would easily fit in my size 26 jeans. Today, I weigh 56 kilos and cannot close the button of my jeans. I have always been regarded as a petite girl. I’ve been underweight most of my life, maintained a 40-kilo weight all throughout college and then a range of 40-45 kilos for the first 3 years of med school. During clerkship, I somehow maintained 48 kilos for the first six months and then there was period that I lost weight and that was when my lupus started but as I gained control of my disease I maintained 50 kilos. I am well aware of the side effects of medication and it includes gain of appetite which eventually leads to weight gain. And it would have been nice if the weight I gained would deposit in the right places – boobs and butt 😂 – but no, my face is now rounder, my arms bigger, my neck wider, and my s...